With All My Heart
by fantasticallybored
Summary: One Shot. Set in Season 2, Episode 12, Jax and Tara's last moments of happiness before everything turns to hell.


Disclaimer: I own nothing, this is just for fun ;)

Again, I've always loved telling the story of Sons of Anarchy from the women's point of view. This is just my take on the expansion of the Season 2, Episode 12 scenes between Jax and Tara, which I've always felt could always do with a little more scenes in every episode (am I right ladies?, hehe).

I wrote this story down in one sitting, just had to get it out fast, not sure why. I've just actually finished it. So, forgive me if there's some discontinuity in the story, am severely needing sleep now. I'm still learning how to write seamlessly so that the flow is there in the story. I have read some good stories on the Sons of Anarchy, I applaud those writers. This is just me giving it a few tries. Anyways, enjoy!

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><p>The clubhouse was almost to its full capacity when Tara got back. It was late afternoon and the family members of the club was scattered throughout its outer and inner space, some were mingling, eating and chatting like nothing was wrong. But there were some who were just waiting anxiously, uncertain of what's happening. All of them were coping with the situation SAMCRO was facing. Something big was going down and they know what everybody else in the clubhouse knows, they needed to stay there until the situation was remedied.<p>

Tara had just returned from St Thomas, originally with the intention of finishing her medical reports there. Turns out the day had other plans for her, she thought grimly, recalling the suddenness of her fist landing on Margaret's face, the hospital administrator. She didn't know what had came over her, she thought she had put all of the fighting years behind her, but something in her just snapped when Margaret called Gemma a biker whore. Probably the stress of the days looming in front of her finally got to her, she reasoned in her mind. Being Jax Teller's old lady, and also the fact that she was smack in the middle of everything that had happened to Gemma, she knew more of what's happening than any other family members. SAMCRO was going after Ethan Zobelle, retaliation for the assault and rape of Gemma, and anything could and will happen. She sighed inwardly and made her way to Jax's room, thanking the Kip on the way for accompanying her to the hospital. She wanted to check on Abel for she had left him with Lyla earlier. She had no idea where Jax is, but she knew better than to look for him today. He had a lot of things on his mind. The retaliation needed to be smart, and he needed to have a clear head to carry it through.

Opening the door to Jax's dorm room, Tara was pleasantly surprised to see Jax there. Even more so to see him cradling Abel in his arms. He was lying on the bed, his back leaning against the head of the bed. What immediately struck her was that he looked so relaxed; he had kicked his sneakers off, his hoodie and cut hanging off the chair next to the table. Lying there in his white t-shirt and jeans smiling at a very obvious awaked Abel, Tara felt warm and gooey inside and a smile crept to her lips.

"Hey." Jax looked up at her, suddenly realizing she was standing at the doorway.

"Hey." She replied softly, not wanting to break the peaceful moment. Who knows what these few days will bring, she thought to herself, unable to stop the worry from edging back into her mind.

"Lyla said you went to the St Thomas?"

"Yeah…just had some paperwork to finish up…." Tara replied, intentionally turning her back to him to close the door, avoiding from looking into his eyes. She wasn't ready to tell him what had happened with Margaret. Not yet anyway, and certainly not today, she said silently to herself. Instead she smiled and quickly changed the subject.

"Was he sleeping?" she asked as she dumped her bag on the dressing table and climbed into bed, snuggling close to his outstretched body. She kicked her boots off and entwined her legs with his, relishing in the feel of his body heat and weight, comforting her.

"Nah…Lyla said he was all hyper today. He must've been excited to be around all the folks out there." Jax replied, as he leaned in and kissed her, his free arm pulling her closer. "You okay?" he frowned a little.

Damn, he can read me too well, Tara thought. Buying time, she leaned in and gave Abel a big kiss on his head. He gazed up at her with those big blue eyes, gurgling happily. Tara smiled and kissed him again on his nose, earning her a bigger gurgle from the wide eyed grinning baby. Looking up at Jax, she saw that he had quirked his eyebrows, still waiting for a response.

"Yeah, I'm fine…" she replied quickly. "I guess it's just the day, you know…" she added convincingly as she laid her head into the crook of his arm.

"Yeah….I'm sorry babe….I know this is a lot to deal with…." Jax sighed, stroking her back slowly.

"Jax…" she looked up at him and grasps his face lovingly. "There's nothing to be sorry about. I understand why this retaliation needs to happen. I'm here baby…..no matter what."

His eyes softened and he nodded. Smiling, she pulled him down and kissed him hard. Showing him in her kiss exactly how she felt about him. Well, as much as she could show anyway, with him holding a still awake and alert Abel. Abel's eyes flicked back and forth from Jax to her and he threw all four limbs up in the air gleefully, chortling happily. They broke away finally after Tara got a good smack on the chin from one of Abel's legs doing his happy dance.

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><p>"So what's going to happen now?" she asked softly after Abel had finally fallen asleep, tired out from his full day of playing.<p>

They lay on their side, facing each other, with Abel between them on the bed, even though there's a small crib in the room. She had sensed that Jax wanted him close, something was weighing heavily on his mind, she could tell. She trusts that he would tell her whatever it is. They had come so far since that night he confessed to helping Opie kill a man avenging Donna's death. She'd learnt that the truth about the club was never easy to hear, but it was what she wanted nonetheless. Gemma was right when she said, you love the man, and you'll learn to love the club. Tara was deeply in love with Jax and Abel, and the club is a big part of them that she had learnt to live with, and in time, learnt to love as part of the family.

Jax's piercing blue eyes gazed into her. He always had this pause before divulging anything club related. It was as if he was remembering his promise to her that it always had to be the truth, no matter how difficult or complicated the situation is. She searched his face, knowing he's working things out in his mind before telling her, probably even simplifying or toning down the harshness of the situation for her benefit. But it comforted her to know that he always opens up to her.

"We challenged Weston and his crew to a fight tonight." Jax rushed the words out, wanting to get it out of the way so that he could spend the rest of the day thinking and talking of pleasanter things like Tara and Abel. "It ends tonight." He said simply, watching her face for her reaction.

Tara took in his words silently. She could see the determination in his eyes. She wasn't thrilled about the idea of them facing off Weston tonight, but she understood it needed to happen for the club and everyone's sake. It was no longer just about club business. It was about protecting the family, so that what happened to Gemma will never happen again to any other loved ones.

She looked him steadily in the eyes and nodded. No words was necessary, it just needed to be done. She wouldn't let herself wallow in anxiety of what could happen to him tonight. Or what he had to lose if he didn't make it back. She knew he's already thinking about all those things even without her burdening him further. He needed to have a clear head when he heads out tonight, so he can get through this safely, and she was determined to make sure he does.

Jax was glad Tara didn't say anything when he revealed it was going down tonight. Her silent nod was all he needed. She would be there with Abel for him when he gets back, and he will damn sure make it back to them both. For now though, they lay side by side, hands entwined, each quietly savouring the peaceful comfort of watching Abel sleep between them, twitching now and then as he dreamt the day away.

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><p>The time for Jax and the boys to leave came too soon. With Abel still sleeping, Jax kissed him softly and tousled his hair gently, smiling down at his son when he grunted and stretched in his sleep.<p>

"I love you son." He whispered.

Tara watched from the doorway, not wanting to interrupt Jax's moment with Abel. As Jax headed out of the dorm room, he took her hand and led her out, closing the door quietly behind him. Making their way through the crowd out to the lot, Jax's hand tightened around hers and he kept his head down, avoiding eye contact as much as possible. He needed to keep his head clear from any other distractions, he needed to make sure he comes back to his girl and his boy, they're all that matters now.

He saw his mom standing outside on the lot, hugging the boys heading out with him tonight. Pulling Tara's hand to his lips and placing a kiss on her knuckles, he momentarily let her hand go as he hugged his mom. Gemma held on tightly to her son, holding his body close. She kissed his cheek and held his face in her hands.

"Be safe baby…you come back to me, you hear." she whispered, worry clearly etched on her face.

Jax nodded, "I will Ma." He leaned in and kissed her. Pulling away, Gemma held his shoulders as she straightened his cut and hoodie, composing herself before letting him go.

Jax pulled Tara back to him as the boys around them each said their own goodbyes. Clay was holding on to Gemma and Opie was kissing Lyla before mounting on their bikes. As she held Jax in her arms, Tara saw two club members getting into the black van which was also following them out to the fight. She understood with a sudden clarity that the van could be bringing any of their bodies home. The realization made her clutch at Jax tighter, forcing herself not to start crying. Instead she breathed him in, kissing him deeply as she silently willed the only true love she had ever known to come back to her safely. The roar of the bikes broke through their haze.

"I gotta go babe." He patted her hip one last time and without a look back, got on his bike.

Tara reluctantly let him go, watching him intently as he followed Clay out of the lot. The rest of the boys followed closely behind. The united power shown by SAMCRO was a sight to behold indeed. But all she could think of as she watched the gates closed behind them, was whether that was the last time she'd ever see those blue eyes that had looked into her very soul.

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><p>The sun was setting over the horizon, turning the skies into a deep burning orange purple color. She could still feel the sun's heat, warming her up and somehow bringing with it a certain feeling of peace. Inside the clubhouse, the people was milling about, all waiting for some kind of news. It was too stifling inside for Tara, she had to get out and get some fresh air, away from the crowd. Abel had woken up about half an hour ago, and she had just finished giving him the bottle. Now she sat outside with him in her arms, burping him gently. His head is resting comfortably on her shoulders and his little arms are wrapped loosely around her neck. Tara leaned her head to his, kissing the top of his head and breathing his sweet scent, letting it wash over her and calm her down.<p>

Leaning back in her seat, Tara gazed at the skies, feeling Abel's heart beating steadily underneath her hands as she rubbed his back gently. Its moments like this that she often marvelled at the creation of life. She's wonderfully aware that she's holding a permanent piece of Jax in her arms. Each day that passes she felt herself falling more in love with both Tellers. She'd like to regard herself as Abel's mother and Jax's old lady, though deep down, she knew she had no legal rights to either one. Tara quickly stopped herself from over thinking it. It would break her heart if she did, and tonight was not the time for self pity, she reminded herself sternly.

She's never said it out loud to anyone, nor would she ever. But the love for her that she sees in Abel's eyes mirrors the love she sees in Jax's eyes when he looks at her. The twinkle in Abel's eyes when he's in a playful mood is so much like Jax's twinkling eyes when he's planning something naughty. And often, she found herself always giving in to both the Teller boys' wishes. Of course, Abel Teller's wishes are way more innocent than that of his father. She couldn't help grinning, remembering the many many naughty "acts" Jax had her agreeing to during the nights and the long afternoons with him.

Sobering up, she became conscious that the skies have turned dark. Gone is the warmth of the sun, taking with it her peace of mind. It was nearing 8 pm, the fight is happening now. Silently, she sent a prayer up above. Clutching Abel tight, she concentrated on his heartbeat, willing herself to believe that as long as his little heart keeps beating, his father's will too.

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><p>By the time she heard the bikes returning to the lot, Abel was already passed out asleep in his crib. They were in Clay's dorm room, Gemma wanted to keep Abel and Tara close while they waited for news, so they brought the crib in there. Tara glanced at her watch, it was nearing midnight. Jumping up from the couch, Tara pulled her sweater on, stopping to check on Abel before reaching for the door. Hurrying down the hallway with Gemma, her heart dropped when she realized only silence filled the clubhouse. Blind fear filled her mind with vivid images of Jax being hurt. To her relief, she saw Jax walk in, a few minor bruises on his face. But something was wrong. Jax had walked in and headed straight to his room without a word. Behind him, Clay stared at the floor, his face filled with disappointment. Gemma stared at her son's retreating back. Gripping Tara's arm, she nodded to her, motioning her to follow her son. Gemma made her way to embrace Clay silently.<p>

Tara entered Jax's room cautiously, unsure of what had happened. Jax was pacing the room, puffing hard on his cigarette. She could tell he was very strung out and frustrated. Closing the door, she locked it quietly, wanting to be left alone with him.

"What happened?" she asked softly.

Jax kept pacing, shaking his head. "We had them, Tara. We had them exactly where we wanted them…" he paused, taking a long drag. "But he's smart, Zobelle's a smart man, he knew he would be safe in custody…" Jax stopped pacing, finally absorbing clearly the events of the night.

Tara didn't need to hear anything more. Somehow the plan got screwed and it didn't end tonight after all. All she knew for certain is that she needed to calm him down; he was trembling with anger and pumped up with adrenaline from the events of the night. She approached him and held his face in her hands, gazing into his eyes, coaxing him to focus only on her. It worked. His breathing slowed and his eyes softened as he seemed to just realize they were alone. She took his cigarette and snuffed it out in the ash tray on the table, before holding his face in her hands again. Gently, she kissed his bruises, lingering over each one.

Leading him to the bed, she sat next to him as she helped him out of his cut. Folding it neatly and placing it on the chair, she shed his hoodie and t-shirt next. Silently looking at his bruised body, she ran her hands over them. "Let me heal you baby." She whispered.

Pushing him down on the bed, Tara straddled him and took off her sweater and blouse. She roamed his body slowly, taking her time on each bruise, kissing them better. Jax closed his eyes, letting the feel of her hands, mouth and body on his quieten down his inner demons. By the time she looked back into his eyes, the anger in them was gone, they were instead filled with passion. Jax pulled her to him and kissed her feverishly, his tongue stroking hers leaving them both breathless, mimicking what his body will do to hers.

She pulled at his belt, her fingers deftly unzipping his jeans. In one swift move, he turned them over, pinning her underneath him. Eyes never leaving hers, he reached down and tugged her jeans loose. He pulled back momentarily to pull her jeans off her and quickly discarded his own jeans and boxers. Pulling him back over her, she could feel his heat between her thighs. He slipped his fingers underneath her thongs and her eyes rolled back. She moaned in ecstasy. His rings were deliciously cool and hard against her warmth and wet core. Her hands roamed over his Reaper, bringing him closer to her. Jax leaned in capturing her moans in his mouth as he drank her in. Pinning her hands over her head, he entered her quickly. Tara bucked her hips, keeping up with his feverish pounding. Eyes never leaving each other's, she came quickly and he tumbled soon after.

Afterwards, he held her close, cradling her into his chest, each taking solace in each other's arms.

"I love you Tara…whatever happens…..always remember that" he whispered to her ear, stroking her back as she lay on his chest, listening to his calming heartbeat.

"I love you Jackson…" she whispered back. _"With all my heart…."_ She added silently.

Tara snuggled closer and closed her eyes, a small smile on her lips as she dreamt the possibilities of the future with Jax and Abel at her side. _"Everything will be okay…"_ she thought to herself before drifting off to sleep.

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><p>In my mind this is the last happy moment that Jax and Tara had before the kidnapping of Abel. Just wanted to share my take on the calm before the storm.<p>

Hope you've enjoyed it! Reviews are welcomed, ;)


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